Photo of Jess visiting the remains of her home for the first time.
By Noelle Mering
In 2017, the Thomas Fire tore through Ventura County, CA, raging from the mountains of Santa Paula, through the town, and westward into Ventura, hopscotching through neighborhoods and leaving devastation in its wake. Among the hundreds of families who lost their homes were Jess and Nathan Haggard, along with their eight children—since joined by one more. Here, they reflect on their experience and share hard-earned wisdom for others facing the aftermath of such loss. Please continue to pray for all those affected by the fires still raging in Southern California.
Mering: What stands out to you most about that initial evening in December 2017 fleeing your home and then learning that you'd lost it?
Jess: Not having grown up in CA, fires were extremely scary to me. I had zero experience with them. The NorCal Fire was a few months previous and it was so destructive. I remember reading about it and how quickly it moved and how unprepared people were. There wasn’t a real emergency system set up and there were many casualties. It was terrifying. Nathan was very reassuring that we lived in a well-maintained neighborhood. The risk was low. That was calming. Still, I had wanted to evacuate sooner rather than later. The kids had been put to bed a short time before. I didn’t want to pack up in the middle of the night. Nathan left to get gas in my car and I had my oldest son gather all our important document boxes into the entryway.
Nathan had gotten a call from work early the next morning checking to see if he was ok and if he needed anything. At the time, I thought they were calling to say we had lost our house. They hadn’t. We saw our neighborhood burning on the morning news. That’s how we found out.
Mering: What were the most important things you managed to take with you, and what did you leave behind?
Jess: Because I followed the NorCal Fire earlier, I was able to compile a list of essential things to pack: legal documents, medical supplies, hard drives, clothes for a few days. I was very practical. I didn’t pack anything of sentimental value. I walked around the house and registered things: heirlooms, paintings, but thought it would be silly to take those things when I would just have to put them back in a few days. I kept thinking I’d be back in a few days. Nathan grabbed some paintings and took video footage of the interior of the house. Our eldest son who was with him packed favorite blankets and toys of all the kids.
Nathan: Paperwork, electronics and children. Left behind most of our original artwork our wedding album and everything else.
Mering: Can you describe your emotions during the evacuation and in the days immediately following?
Jess: During the evacuation, I was trying to stay calm and get everyone to our relative’s house safely. I was worried about Nathan and my son staying behind and leaving separately. When I had gotten the rest of the kids to safety and to bed, I was restless and stressed and anxious. The winds down in the Valley were just as intense. There was a lot of sirens and helicopter noises. I couldn’t sleep for most of the night. I remember thinking that the College [Thomas Aquinas College] would be gone, that Ojai would be gone. I was a bundle of nerves.
Nathan: I felt guilty that I didn’t leave the sprinklers on. I felt shock at the violence of it, and I had a visceral sense of the community rising up with donations and support countering the violence and subduing it.
Mering: What did you find you most needed from friends? What would you advise people to do or not do when their friends lose their homes?
Jess: Anyone who dropped off food, clothes for the kids, and money was incredibly thoughtful and helpful. People who organized clothes drops, a GoFundMe, Amazon wishlists, gift cards… that was extremely helpful. Things that we couldn’t even wrap our minds around. A Christmas tree was donated and delivered. Toiletries, food, kids clothes and games… those were the most helpful.
Don’t tell people that they get to learn detachment. Don’t tell them that God has a plan. Don’t tell them that they are suffering what they can handle. Don’t tell them it could be worse. All true things and might even be expressed by them or come up organically later on, but it’s nothing anyone needs to hear soon afterwards.
Hug them and say how sorry you are. Offer help. Run errands for them. Be available.
Nathan: The feeling of support was very comforting. Friends that lent their expertise in relevant fields such as insurance and construction were particularly helpful and made us feel that everything was going to be okay.
After the initial pain and shock, the next hardest part comes a year or two later when everyone forgets what happened but you’re still wrestling with it. Finding ways to help even much later is nice.
Mering: With so many now going through this, do you have any practical advice to share?
Jess: Take whatever charity that is offered that you need but don’t feel like you have to take it because it is being offered. Talk with people and share with them as you feel the need to. Consult with people who can help, either about insurance or legal advice or homebuilding advice or any other practical situations. Lean on others in practical ways even if you don’t like asking for help or relying on others.
Give yourself time and grace. It’s ok to mourn and be sad and be frustrated. It’s ok to have a sense of humor and be dark about it all.
Nathan: The biggest practical challenge was that every professional we hired couldn’t do anything until another professional did something, and nobody will do anything unless you’re constantly driving them which is exhausting after losing your home.
- Look through your pictures and see if you can find any good pictures of art on your wall that you lost and then ask an artist to re-create it.
- Try to rent near your kid’s school and keep as much of your old routine as possible.
- Try to rent well within your budget, so you’re not stressed when the recovery takes longer than it should.
- Choose a general contractor early and have them help with the insurance claim.
- Insurance doesn’t like to commit, be prepared for this and find a way to make progress anyway.
- Consider not being too ambitious with your rebuilding plans. The more you attempt the more overwhelming it can be.
One other tip: Don’t feel obligated to even look at everything people donate to you. You can appreciated the spirit but you don’t need to appreciate the stuff. It was so overwhelming when in a temp house someone dumped off bags of clothes. We didn’t even bring them in the house. Maybe looked at them quickly and had them hauled away. (Lots of stuff of course we were very happy to get.)
Mering: What do you wish someone had said to you at the time? Anything you would redo?
Jess: I wish someone told me that it was ok to grieve what I had lost. That I had suffered tremendously and that it was ok to feel it and express it. There was a lot of encouragement and support to move forward which was great. It was almost taboo, however, to allow us to grieve.
Mering: How has your perspective on home changed for you (if it has)?
Jess: Yes, it has, but perhaps in unusual ways. Obviously, home is your family and family culture and family relationships. But some of your sense of home is your things. “All my children wore this sweatshirt at 12 months” or “were baptized in this family gown” etc. They aren’t the core ingredients in your home but they are a part of it. It was unsettling when we moved into our new home after the fire because there were no visual anchor points, nothing that had been with us our whole family life. It took a long time to feel like we belonged here even though we were together.
Nathan: Our home feels less permanent.
The community plays a more important role in making us feel at home after they helped us recover from the fire.
Mering: Thank you both so much for sharing these insights. Anything else you'd like to add?
Nathan: Resist trying to interpret a grand statement from God. He was speaking to us through the tragedy but he says little bits at a time and we still haven’t heard everything he is trying to tell us. The best way to listen is going to him frequently especially through the sacraments. Don’t tell him what you are learning, this puts too much strain on you, listen to what he is telling you.
There is a counterpoint to post traumatic stress called post traumatic growth so while we can’t avoid having some amount of PTSD coming out of these events, remember to embrace the opportunities for growth as well.
Almost two years after losing their home, the Haggard family was able to move from their small rental and purchase a home in Santa Paula.
